Eid Al Adha 2026

Alhamdulillah di hari tasyrik ke-3 Idul Adha tahun ini, papah mau diajak jalan2. Rafy juga dengan senang hati meliburkan diri. Mamah juga semangat mau pergi. Alhamdulillah Ahmad juga suhunya aman walau tetap minum pct-proris selang-seling tiap 4 jam. Alhamdulillah dengan izin Allah kita berangkat ke Rumah Air 🙆🏻‍♀️

Udah lama bgt gak ajak Ahmad pergi2 yg agendanya beneran jalan2. bukan ke RS/apapun yg berhubungan sama medical treatment. maka nikmat Allah mana lagi yg engkau dustakan. 🥹

berangkat dari rumah udah jam 11 lewat. BKT lancar - Ps. Gembrong lancar - DI Pandjaitan macet - Cawang lancar - tol sampe TMII lancar - abis itu macetttt sampe menjelang Sentul. agak aneh karena harusnya mayoritas orang2 udah di destinasi wisata bukan masih di jalan. Eh ternyata ada kecelakaan beruntun 😢 pas kita sampe di lokasi kejadian, tinggal 1 mobil lagi aja yg belum diderek. pas liat Instagram, ternyata lumayan banyak mobil yg terlibat 😢 mudah2an cuma mobilnya aja yg rusak, penumpangnya gapapa aja. Aamiin YRA.. abis itu lancaaar sampe keluar tol Bogor. puteran balik sampe lampu merah, macet normal Bogor 🥲 - keluar lampu merah, Otto Iskandardinata, macet normal Bogor 🥲- Juanda lancar - Empang lancar - macetnya mulai di RS menjelang belok BNR. tapi masih aman. menjelang jam 2, kita sampe di Rumah Air 🙆🏻‍♀️

karena baru buka lagi (setelah sempat tutup dan dipasang plang DIJUAL), lay out-nya baru. masuk parkiran langsung ada brakiasi. Ahmad? Exited! Alhamdulillaaah... Karena Ahmad exited, ajak main dulu deeh.. 

pas lagi foto2 ini, sinar matahari lagi bagus2nya. terik tapi nggak terlalu panas. bagus bgt buat pencahayaan. tapi kita nggak lama2 juga main-nya nggak sampe setengah jam karena Ahmad harus lanjut makan. dan kita pun nyusul ke saung. 

pas sampe saung ternyata mamah belum pesen, baru mulai pesen waktu udah selesai solat zuhur semua. minta fotoin? tetep dong. Hehe

suasana-nya nyunda bgt. musik Sunda dan sound effect burung berkicau. Ahmad gagal fokus bgt sama suara burung. Wkk. berkali2 liat ke atas nyari burung. MasyaAllah anakku pinter Ya Allah 🥹

as usual, Ahmad makannya lamaa. udah lewat jam setengah 3 dan gue belum solat zuhur. minta gantiin mamah sebentar buat solat. selesai solat, lanjut suapin lagi. dan tebak selesainya jam berapa? jam 4 aja pemirsa... wkwkkw gapapa gapapa yg penting makannya abis dan sehaaatt. selesai makan, minum obat lagi. papah-mamah-rafy selesai solat, kita minta fotoin lagi~

bonus di-candid rafy

selesai foto, Ahmad nagih minta diajak jalan muterin resto. hayuk kita jalan nak.. dan ternyata luaaass... kayanya digabung semua deh lahan de voyage sama kafe yg depan de voyage dulu. tapi sayangnya masih sepi jadi belum kepake semua. dan surprisingly kita nemu sampan de voyage duluu!

ini waktu ke de voyage tahun 2021

trus tau2 udah jam 5 aja. kita siap2 pulang~ dan  macetnya makin parah.. 🥲 Alhamdulillah sama rafy. kalau sama papah aja kasian bgt papah kaki-nya 🥹 

tapi ternyata macetnya cuma menjelang jalan keluar BNR aja. di Jl. Pahlawan lancaaar dan ramai lancar sampe masuk tol. tol juga Alhamdulillah relatif lancar dan kita sampe di rumah jam setengah7. mamah buru2 masak nasi dan kukus masakan Ahmad, gue buru2 ngeberesin Ahmad. pas selesai diberesin, Ahmad marah2. Wkwk. karena mepet bgt magrib, gue biarin aja dia marah2 sambil nyalahin tv biar doi nonton upin-ipin. selesai solat magrib, eeh doi dah tiduur 🥹 mau dibangunin tapi ya nasi sama masakannya belum mateng juga. Akhirnya dibiarin tidur sampe jam 8 lewat. baru disuapin makan dan selesainya udah jam 12 lewat 🥹

gapapa gapapa yang penting sehat ya Allah... ka mau sering2 ajak Ahmad main senang ya Allah. mudahkan ya Allah. sehatkan terus Ahmad.. 🥺

Ahmad baru bener2 tidur menjelang jam 1 dini hari dan Alhamdulillah tidurnya pules. tapi pas bangun pagi, Ahmad lemeess 😢 gue udah takut dia nggak enak badan lagi karena pasti capek abis main dan muter jalan seharian. ditambah masih belum fit juga kan sebenernya masih minum obat 😢 dan di mobil juga pada gamau pake masker 😢 tapi beneran pertolongan Allah itu dekat 🥹 gue kasih imboost, Alhamdulillah Ahmad lumayan naik energinya. sempet takut lagi waktu dia mau tidur siang. tapi Alhamdulillah dengan izin Allah lagi, tidur siangnya juga keringetaan. Hiikkss. bener2 fabiayyi ala irobbikuma tukadziban 😭

terima kasih ya Allah. terimakasih atas semua nikmatMu. aku yg sering kufur 😢. Ampun ya Allah... terimakasih sudah Engkau izinkan kami family time lagi. terakhir pergi rame2 Gini waktu ulang tahun Ahmad September tahun lalu. walaupun ini juga cuma ke Bogor aja dan pulang2 papah ngeluh badannya sakit semua, mamah kecapekan, rafy pegel kaki-nya nahan kopling macet, ka gapapa asal Ahmad senang dan sehat ya Allah. sehatkan terus kami semua ya Allah. tetapkan terus hati kami untuk berada di jalanMu. berikan kami kebaikan dunia dan akhirat. ka mau bahagia di dunia dan di akhirat ya Allah.. ka mau bahagia di dunia dan di akhirat sama Ahmad.. beneran mau.. dengarkan ya Allah.. kabulkan.. Aamiin YRA..

another new beginning - a prayer.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim... 

Dear 2025,

my Allah is super good!!! 

InsyaAllah :') 

Aamiin YRA....

my love is turning 9

#26September

 

#27September

رَبَّنَا أَتِنَا فِى الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي اْلأَخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ

a conversation with

 💁🏻‍♂️: continue your life. you're still so young. 

🧕🏻 : nooo... I've been old enough. 

💁🏻‍♂️: no no no. it's all about mindset. when you live in your present while thinking about the future plans, then you are young. But when you live in your present but you overthink and carry out your past with you all the way, then you're old.

🧕🏻: ok, so I have to be young then... 

current anxiety

dear love, my melancholy side is just about to burst out in a sudden.

you know love, I always worry about you... 

your health, your condition, your body, your mood, your therapy continuity, your medication, your feeling, your vitamin, your food, your clothes, your underwear, plan about your circumcision, about you who I left home with otousan and okasan, about my wish to keep making you happy, about your sleep, about your blanket, about your pillow, about your pajamas, I just worrying anything about you....... 

I know this is not good for me, my feeling, my body, my mood, my health, my sleep quality, and this could be not good for you too.. Maybe people will see me as an overprotective mother but aaaaall I did, my reason to act like this is only to keep you healthy and make sure that you're okay... I just want to keep you  fine.  just it!

dear love, I've been through uncountable miserable things that I wish would never happened to you. I saw each of it with both of my own eyes. And to be honest, I was so scared... It was too scary. I always pray to Allah that I will never see it happened to you again so I won't seeing it anymore. I always pray to Allah that there will be only happy things in our life. I always pray for that, love..... 

but despite of aaaaaalll of the scary things that happened to you previously,  Alhamdulillah Allah still lend you back to me.. you are still with me. We're still together looveee.......... 

you know love, I think basically I'm just afraid of loosing. I'm afraid of loosing you. since I love you soooo much! I don't know what will I be if there's no you in my life. It could be empty. And your presence is just everything. you fill my holes. yes you are..

dear love, I just want you to know it.

I love you

I really do

Hello October

This is just half of October but it feels like I've been full... 

May was my starting point. I informally told my boss about the plan. He's kinda shock. He even ask me to take some day off to clear my mind. But all I think for the whole time, the only way to clear my mind is to have it done.. 

in June, we took mandatory family portrait for every Eid. Since Ahmad got a super high fever in the morning, right before we're going to pray Eid Al-Fitr (and then confirmed as covid again in RSUD Duren Sawit at night), we didn't take any picture that we used to that day...  

demo, here's our family portrait in Eid Al-Adha 

we moved to our new home in July. My mother's sih. But she said that this is ours, so this is ours :) I started to move on from the scary things that happened to Ahmad before. I accompanied him to have therapy session again. I took him to mall again. I just want to make him happy :') 

but unlucky, he's not that strong yet.. In August, he got the seizure again because we're going to his therapy by grab car. And yes he's not that strong yet.. That day, after we got home, he became silent. He ate but after that he throws it up. At night, he throws up again.. And a second later, he got the attack. Hiiikkkss... My heart just torn into pieces again.... 

September supposed to be our happy month because this is Ahmad's month! But only 3 days before his eight, he got the attack again. At this point, I feels like numb. I didn't know how to react. Yes I did help him to put diazepam when the seizure come, but after that I just freeze. I couldn't think clearly, I couldn't talk and even I couldn't cry like I used to. I just kept on looking at him, accompanying him, be beside him, holding his hands while contacting any doctor. 

but Allah is the Almighty. He still gave His permission for me to take Ahmad's picture when he was 8 like I usually did.. Allahu Akbar. 

and the update by half of this October is the process in my office about the plan is done. So I could take it up and out to the different level. Tomorrow supposed to be our third meet. And about Ahmad is still on process too, we went to Prof Irawan last month. He changed Ahmad's medicine to Levetiracetam. And I think I will follow him for Ahmad's sake... 

Still, there will be another two months left for this year.  May they become the sunshine after the rain. For me, for Ahmad, for my mother, for my father and for everyone who had serious problems in their lyfe. Aamiin yra... 

060523

akhirnya selubung itu bersedia pergi 

akhirnya dia bilang dia serahkan aku kembali 

ya! 

akhirnya.. 

sedetik ku merasa lega 

sedetik kemudian terbayang jalan di depan mata 

terlihat panjang 

sangat panjang 

terlalu panjang 

hingga tak jelas bisa ku lihat apa 

kucoba agak picingkan mata 

masih juga belum bisa jelas ku lihat apa

masih belum terlihat apa apa 

apakah karena silau yang terlalu terang?

atau gelap yang kemarin, terlalu gelap? 

tapi sementara sepertinya memang masih akan gelap 

aku tahu

tidak mungkin akan langsung terang

aku tahu

tapi nanti pasti terang 

aku yakin

karena aku masih punya dia 

si bunga taman hati ku :')

tapi...

apa boleh ku harapkan dia (yang lain)? 

... 

berharap dia kepada siapa?

Allah.

karena aku selalu punya Dia

insyaAllah :')

jikalau dulu aku lihai merangkai kata

untuk menggambarkan suka ku 

pada dunia dan segala hal yang menghiasinya,

namun untukmu aku tak mampu.

aku hanya bisa bilang sayang

aku sayang kamu anakku

❤

Dear baby,

Dear baby, I love you. You have to know, I never want to see you sleeping in that bed dear. I never!

One of my friend sent prayer when I told him that you were in hospital. He said, "May your baby get well very soon. And may this condition will ease your sins." 

Me wants to cry ...

Dear baby, if you were got sick because of my sins, I'm sorry darling. I never want to see you sick. I love you. I really love you. Even I love you more than I love myself. I'll give my everything for you, your now, your future. InsyaAllah I'll do my best for you. I'm sorry for being a full of sins mother. I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I'm sorry for making you sick. I'm so sorry. If I could, I would like to replace your position with mine. Let me be the one who sick, and you stay healthy. But I can't.... 

May you will always be under Allah protection dear. And may Allah forgive all my sins. I'm full of sins. I love you darling. I love you. May you get a super speedy recovery. Be healthy again. I love you, love. I love you.. 

Amin..

it may look good from the outside..

but nobody knows what's exactly inside the heart

lesson to learn.. #2013

years changing, life changing, people changing, everything changing.. 

some of them are changing into a better one and some are just becoming worst. some are look like in a stable way, but they must be changing too. they're just not showed it up. 

in a few moment, 2013 will turning to 2014. 

from families, friends, co workers and all the people around, I learned..

` don't act as if you're the victim of anything. it only makes people put a pity to you. 

` don't pretend as if you don't need anyone. you live a social life. you'll never know when it comes for you to need a help.

` don't runaway from reality. you may looks happy for a moment, but you can't lie to yourself that what you truly feel is an emptyness.

` open your heart. be welcome. life is not only about family and friends. just like the coffee, you need a mate!

many lesson to learn, but the most lesson I've learned; life is not only about you, what you think, what you do. so don't act as if you're good. because in fact, you're not that good.. 

the problem is.....

you're liking someone disliking you

and ignoring the one trying over you

Kota Tua, October 2012

photos by Iqbal Akib

kapan niii photo sesioong lagi?

cubal? 

lidi? 

imyuut?

"What is your dream?" - Mary Stayed Out All Night

I've been watching korean drama titled 'Mary Stayed Out All Night' for these past 3 weeks. and I really like this drama.. :}

the story line is about an indie-band-singer named Mu Gyul who always wants to have a free life by never getting marriage and never having any commitment for more than a month with any woman. he becomes so aphaty to any relationships because of his mother giving birth to him at the age of 17 and never took care of him. so he lives in any relatives houses and never understand the feeling of family warmth.

in the other side, a girl named Mae Ri were dropped out from her college -majoring Korean Literature- because of her father's business going bankrupt. since her father were wanted by many debt collector, Mae Ri have to live in her apartment alone. she often feels lonely and miss the feeling of having a complete family, since her mother was passed away when she was 6. 

They meet accidentally in a car crush. Mae Ri hit Mu Gyul while driving in Hong Dae (Indie Area in South Korea). Mu Gyul is fine, but Mae Ri afraid of being charged in the next following days, so she go follows Mu Gyul to make him signed a letter of agreement. 

but..... as the drama rules, things are not going to be as simple as that.. many cute things happened. you have to watch it by yourself. I do recomend this drama sooo much! ;)

oh ya.. there are several fave scene of mine. but I'll share one.. I forgot in what episode, but the conversation between Mu Gyul and Mae Ri related to dreams, touch me.

Mae Ri : What is your dream? 

Will you spend the rest of your life playing music?

Mu Gyul : This is how I live.

Mae Ri : I envy you.

Mu Gyul : And you? What is your dream?

Mae Ri : I want to have a simple life.

Mu Gyul : Eh? That's your dream?

Mae Ri : Yes. There's a mom when I get home. 

I don't have to suffer from dad's financial crisis. 

I could go back to college, without being afraid of can not afford it.

Mu Gyul : You really had a hard times, aren't you?

Mae Ri : Aaaah... Yes! *wide smile*

and after the stuffy atmosphere because of the heavy conversation, they were kidding and joking again. what a simple end for a serious conversation...

as Mae Ri said that she wants to have a simple life, so do I. I also looking for a simple life, since my dream is living a simple life with a simple person. doing simple things together, going anywhere we wants to spend the time, driving all night, go working again in the morning, get back home after office hours, watching football match with snack on hands, commenting on them, go watching indie music performances in the weekend, take a lot of photoshot in amateur photo session then share it into social media. not only sharing picture or story, but sharing about how happy our simple life could be. 

hummmm.... but it becomes so much ya?

too much derivative for a simple single wants :))

whatever lah!

the point is only simple. 

simple. simple. simple. simple. simple. simple. simple. 

Drama! :))

sebenernya ada beberapa hal yang mau gue tulis dalam bentuk blog. tapi karna satu dan lain hal, secara berturut-turut dan silih berganti, gak jadi-jadi tuh gue ngeblog :))

beberapa waktu lalu sempet gloomy gak penting gara-gara nonton serial korea, Cinderella's Sister. fyi, gue udah nahan-nahan untuk gak ngelanjutin nonton serial ini sejak keluar mandiri 2010 dulu, karena ceritanya yang galau maksimal. defensive because of keeping the untold feeling for years. is there anything worse than this? 

tapi sekarang udah enggak kok. entah karna gloomy jenis ini emang sifatnya temporary atau karena tamparan realita di kehidupan nyata jauh lebih keras. (?) 

oia, kantor gue sekarang udah gak di sunan giri lagii :D

hihi. ini salah satu realita penting yang bikin gue mau untuk cepet-cepet bangun dari mimpi sedih karna drama korea. 

cerita tentang Sunan Giri berakhir di tanggal 30 Agustus 2013. 
Per tanggal 2 September, gue udah efektif di Penggilingan ;)

tapi fenomena tamparan realita terjadi.

minggu pertama di tempat baru rasanya beraaat. bukan karna harus tetep konflik batin antara tindakan dan perasaan, tapi karena di tempat baru ini malah gue yang dibully sama nasabahnya :)) emang kedengerannya lucu, tapi ini bener-bener terjadi. dan nasabah yang ngebully bukan cuma seorang, dua orang. hampir semua nasabah rutin, komen negatif. *mungkin ini karma buat si teler jutek*. belom lagi load transaksi yang jauh lebih padat dibanding sunan giri. dan tipe nasabah yang bukan "ibu-ibu Al Azhar". waktu beresin kas jadi lebih lama dan otomatis pulang jadi lebih malem. ditambah perjalanan pulang yang jauh lebih macet, mungkin gue kaget. dan di pertengahan minggu, gue ngerasa gak tahan. di angkot udah mulai berkaca-kaca, di jalan kresna jadi lebih berkaca-kaca, pas sampe rumah langsung tumpah ruah. nangis aja gitu berlinang-linang air matanya. bokap-nyokap sampe bingung. mulai dari komen "tuh kan. minta-minta pindah sih", "trus gimana? mau keluar?", "ya begini deh hidup. keras." 

kalo diinget-inget malah jadi lucu, karena tepat seminggu setelah nangis drama itu, gue dapet :)) siklus wanita emang bener-bener. gak ngerti apa cuma gue aja yang berlebihan banget sampa kaya gini atau semua cewek juga ngalamin ini. (?)

besok, senin. masuk minggu ke 3 di kantor baru. 

bismillahirrahmanirrahiiimm...

semoga selalu dikasih yang terbaik terus sama Allah.

Amin ya Allah..

Amin Amin Amin Amin Amiiin....

❤

Insya Allah

Paulo Coelho

Eleanor Roosevelt