it was just a scene...

meanwhile the scene:

another new beginning - a prayer.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim... 

Dear 2025,

my Allah is super good!!! 

InsyaAllah :') 

Aamiin YRA....

my love is turning 9

#26September

 

#27September

رَبَّنَا أَتِنَا فِى الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي اْلأَخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ

I miss...

Dear Allah, 

I miss to kiss Ahmad without wearing mask. I miss the feeling when our cheek met. I miss to sleep in the same room and same bed, next to him. I miss the way he stare at me while I'm singing for him before sleeping. I miss to take an igs and post it to our private account. I miss it when I wake up earlier so I could kiss him and hug him from back. I miss the way he jump to wake me up if he wake up earlier than me. I miss to interact with him without boundary.. 

Ya Rabb, 

You know everything within the heart

I believe, You know it all too well

let it happen Ya Rabb... 

let it happen

then this ayat cross in my mind:

are You preparing me to entering Your Jannah, Ya Rabb? 

are You planning to let me in? 

let me in Ya Rabb.. 

let me in.. 

current anxiety

dear love, my melancholy side is just about to burst out in a sudden.

you know love, I always worry about you... 

your health, your condition, your body, your mood, your therapy continuity, your medication, your feeling, your vitamin, your food, your clothes, your underwear, plan about your circumcision, about you who I left home with otousan and okasan, about my wish to keep making you happy, about your sleep, about your blanket, about your pillow, about your pajamas, I just worrying anything about you....... 

I know this is not good for me, my feeling, my body, my mood, my health, my sleep quality, and this could be not good for you too.. Maybe people will see me as an overprotective mother but aaaaall I did, my reason to act like this is only to keep you healthy and make sure that you're okay... I just want to keep you  fine.  just it!

dear love, I've been through uncountable miserable things that I wish would never happened to you. I saw each of it with both of my own eyes. And to be honest, I was so scared... It was too scary. I always pray to Allah that I will never see it happened to you again so I won't seeing it anymore. I always pray to Allah that there will be only happy things in our life. I always pray for that, love..... 

but despite of aaaaaalll of the scary things that happened to you previously,  Alhamdulillah Allah still lend you back to me.. you are still with me. We're still together looveee.......... 

you know love, I think basically I'm just afraid of loosing. I'm afraid of loosing you. since I love you soooo much! I don't know what will I be if there's no you in my life. It could be empty. And your presence is just everything. you fill my holes. yes you are..

dear love, I just want you to know it.

I love you

I really do

060523

akhirnya selubung itu bersedia pergi 

akhirnya dia bilang dia serahkan aku kembali 

ya! 

akhirnya.. 

sedetik ku merasa lega 

sedetik kemudian terbayang jalan di depan mata 

terlihat panjang 

sangat panjang 

terlalu panjang 

hingga tak jelas bisa ku lihat apa 

kucoba agak picingkan mata 

masih juga belum bisa jelas ku lihat apa

masih belum terlihat apa apa 

apakah karena silau yang terlalu terang?

atau gelap yang kemarin, terlalu gelap? 

tapi sementara sepertinya memang masih akan gelap 

aku tahu

tidak mungkin akan langsung terang

aku tahu

tapi nanti pasti terang 

aku yakin

karena aku masih punya dia 

si bunga taman hati ku :')

tapi...

apa boleh ku harapkan dia (yang lain)? 

... 

berharap dia kepada siapa?

Allah.

karena aku selalu punya Dia

insyaAllah :')

jikalau dulu aku lihai merangkai kata

untuk menggambarkan suka ku 

pada dunia dan segala hal yang menghiasinya,

namun untukmu aku tak mampu.

aku hanya bisa bilang sayang

aku sayang kamu anakku

❤

Dear baby,

Dear baby, I love you. You have to know, I never want to see you sleeping in that bed dear. I never!

One of my friend sent prayer when I told him that you were in hospital. He said, "May your baby get well very soon. And may this condition will ease your sins." 

Me wants to cry ...

Dear baby, if you were got sick because of my sins, I'm sorry darling. I never want to see you sick. I love you. I really love you. Even I love you more than I love myself. I'll give my everything for you, your now, your future. InsyaAllah I'll do my best for you. I'm sorry for being a full of sins mother. I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I'm sorry for making you sick. I'm so sorry. If I could, I would like to replace your position with mine. Let me be the one who sick, and you stay healthy. But I can't.... 

May you will always be under Allah protection dear. And may Allah forgive all my sins. I'm full of sins. I love you darling. I love you. May you get a super speedy recovery. Be healthy again. I love you, love. I love you.. 

I want you to keep thinking of me day and night ...

... no matter what

the problem is.....

you're liking someone disliking you

and ignoring the one trying over you

Kota Tua, October 2012

photos by Iqbal Akib

kapan niii photo sesioong lagi?

cubal? 

lidi? 

imyuut?

"What is your dream?" - Mary Stayed Out All Night

I've been watching korean drama titled 'Mary Stayed Out All Night' for these past 3 weeks. and I really like this drama.. :}

the story line is about an indie-band-singer named Mu Gyul who always wants to have a free life by never getting marriage and never having any commitment for more than a month with any woman. he becomes so aphaty to any relationships because of his mother giving birth to him at the age of 17 and never took care of him. so he lives in any relatives houses and never understand the feeling of family warmth.

in the other side, a girl named Mae Ri were dropped out from her college -majoring Korean Literature- because of her father's business going bankrupt. since her father were wanted by many debt collector, Mae Ri have to live in her apartment alone. she often feels lonely and miss the feeling of having a complete family, since her mother was passed away when she was 6. 

They meet accidentally in a car crush. Mae Ri hit Mu Gyul while driving in Hong Dae (Indie Area in South Korea). Mu Gyul is fine, but Mae Ri afraid of being charged in the next following days, so she go follows Mu Gyul to make him signed a letter of agreement. 

but..... as the drama rules, things are not going to be as simple as that.. many cute things happened. you have to watch it by yourself. I do recomend this drama sooo much! ;)

oh ya.. there are several fave scene of mine. but I'll share one.. I forgot in what episode, but the conversation between Mu Gyul and Mae Ri related to dreams, touch me.

Mae Ri : What is your dream? 

Will you spend the rest of your life playing music?

Mu Gyul : This is how I live.

Mae Ri : I envy you.

Mu Gyul : And you? What is your dream?

Mae Ri : I want to have a simple life.

Mu Gyul : Eh? That's your dream?

Mae Ri : Yes. There's a mom when I get home. 

I don't have to suffer from dad's financial crisis. 

I could go back to college, without being afraid of can not afford it.

Mu Gyul : You really had a hard times, aren't you?

Mae Ri : Aaaah... Yes! *wide smile*

and after the stuffy atmosphere because of the heavy conversation, they were kidding and joking again. what a simple end for a serious conversation...

as Mae Ri said that she wants to have a simple life, so do I. I also looking for a simple life, since my dream is living a simple life with a simple person. doing simple things together, going anywhere we wants to spend the time, driving all night, go working again in the morning, get back home after office hours, watching football match with snack on hands, commenting on them, go watching indie music performances in the weekend, take a lot of photoshot in amateur photo session then share it into social media. not only sharing picture or story, but sharing about how happy our simple life could be. 

hummmm.... but it becomes so much ya?

too much derivative for a simple single wants :))

whatever lah!

the point is only simple. 

simple. simple. simple. simple. simple. simple. simple. 

alasan..

playlist malam ini lagu mellow. 

1. Such Great Heights (Iron and Wine cover) - Postal Service
2. Semua Tentang Kamu - Audrey
3. Last Day of Our Love - The Bird and The Bee
4. Long Journey - OST Dolphin Bay
5. Love You Like a Love Song - Selena Gomez
6. Last Christmas - Stereomantic

niatnya sih menstimulasi diri untuk galau. tapi apa daya gak berhasil.. :))

hingga sampailah di lagu All I Wanted Was You - Paramore 

...........................

cinta emang gak perlu ada alasan ya. liat aja Bella-Edward. apa coba yang bikin mereka saling jatuh cinta di awal twillight sampe jadi sebegitunya di breaking dawn? cuma liat-liatan dari jauh doang, sama (katanya) nyium aroma. apalah itu -__-

yang tadi versi hollywood. ada juga yang versi korea, cinderella's sister. apa coba yang bikin akar perasaan ki hoon - en jo jadi menjalar sampe sekuat dan sedalam itu? en jo gak cantik-cantik banget, nyebelin, tutur bahasa kasar. dia cuma kejar2an pas awal ketemu. pernah jatoh sampe berdarah2, trus dijahit, ki hoon yang nganterin. trus dari awal yang sepele banget itu, kenapa bisa tercipta kisah sedih bertahun-tahun yang menyakitkan pilu pedih pahit untuk ditonton itu? aaaapa alasannya?

sok-sok nyari alasan. 

coba hayo dengerin All I Wanted Was You lagi. 

atau lagu lawas padi yang dinyanyiin ulang sama donita.

...........................

kok tetep biasa aja ya?

Insya Allah

Paulo Coelho

Eleanor Roosevelt

Yasmin Sektor V

another of us are getting married... guess who! ;))

haha. provocative abis opening gue. dan apa juga sok-sok-an suruh nebak plus pake bold, padahal terpampang jelas nama our bride-wanna-be di kaca belakang :)))

and yes it's true! what a happy and envy fact since the first time I heard the news that....... our lovely astrid are getting married! aaaa~

tema bridal shower kali ini adalah warna-warna cinta kaya pink dan teman-teman genk pastelnya. properti utamanya adalah balon + kamera polaroid punya mimi. ini yg ngedekor lidi-wina-vidi. gue sama mora datengnya nyusul. hhe. cowoknya juga pada bantuin, ada mimi-rio-bang oji-adit. wohoo.. 

I'll just post some photos + caption here, bcs I don't exactly know the detail preparation. actually we had a video too, but it's still on mimi's phone. and the video is about "Papa kamu punya toko ya?" haha. lil bit cheesy buuuuuut no denial it's so sweet of you kokooo.. maksimal deh sweet-nya ♥ #eh :))

ini ceritanya kita semua mupeng pengen digombalin
"papa kamu punya toko ya?" ala koko :))

with our blue-dressed-bride-wanna-be ;)

and yes, we are the happy family ♥
indeed. Amin :')

and so the message is :
kalo emang udah "diketemuin" sama seseorang yang you think "he/she is your one", 

apalagi sih yang mau ditunggu? 

................

eaasy.... |:D

seneng2 aja lah
take this life easy..

so, this is the third competition in life ya (!?)
1. graduated from college
2. get a job
3. get married
then after that, having child. go get them into school. making preparation for their future...

I think I'm gonna love this kind of life

hmm...
somehow I think I'm desperate enough of leaving from being a- 'miss' to be a- 'mrs'
I'm not ready honestly
and would never be ready (I think)
but I have to be
I have to!

and this is life
life must go on, isn't it?
don't make it into gloom
just take all the oppurtunities ahead
and take this life easy..
eaaaasy....

buat kamu (jamak)

* kalau suatu hari nanti kamu berhasil baca blog ini, berarti memang sudah sepatutnya kita berjodoh. 

tadi siang aku cerita lagi sama temen kantor tentang kamu. aku bilang, aku kangen banget sama kamu. walau dulu juga bbm-nya cuma basa-basi, bahkan cenderung kaya orang yg sama-sama gak minat. tapi faktanya aku minat banget loh sama kamu. 

cerita selesai dan suasana santai kembali, si temen nyeletuk di depan orang rame "makanya ficha, cari pacar dong!" aku sih ketawa-ketawa aja sambil dalem hati gondok juga. dia kan tahu aku lagi nungguin kamu! tapi ya dia bener sih. ngapain juga aku nungguin kamu? kamunya juga aku samperin gak pernah geming. terakhir aku bbm, juga gak pernah bales. bahkan kamu dengan tega terang-terangan pajang foto berdua cewek lain di dp bbm. padahal kalau jadi, kamu sama aku tuh akan jadi pasangan yg serasi banget loh. kamu tinggi, aku tinggi. kamu putih, aku putih. kamu sipit, aku sipit. kamu ganteng, aku (lumayan) cantik *Amin* tapi kenapa diiaa? cantikan aku daripada dia. putihan aku daripada dia. sipitan aku daripada dia. tapi kenapa kamu pajang fotonya bareng dia? kenapaa?

kalo kamu mau tahu, entahlah gimana rasa di dada saat itu. kamu juga suka ganti-ganti status seru. kayanya sih buat cewek itu. makanya aku delete kamu dari contact! kalo kamu mau tahu, aku nyeseeel udah ngapus kamu. emang sih, gak ada lagi galau-galau gak jelas sendiri karena baru liat recent updates. tapi aku jadi gatau apa pun sama sekali tentang kamu. aku kehilangan kamu. dan aku kangen kamu :'|

sampai tiba-tiba pak satpam baru ikut nimbrung dan membuyarkan lamunanku tentang kamu. sambil ketawa dia bilang "ah masa iya cantik begini gak punya pacar." berarti, aku beneran cantik dong (!?) terus, kenapa kamu nyuekin aku? kenapa kamu seakan gak bergeming sama aku? kamu seperti gak tertarik sama sekali. kenapaa? pernah aku baca status bbm kamu "miss you c-h-a" that time I wonder, was it for me? apa iya kamu kangen aku? masaa siiih? secara aku tipikal orang yg susah untuk percaya. apalagi sama pria. harusnya kamu yakinkan aku.. 

dan aku mau kasih lirik lagu buat kamu. lagunya astrid yg mendua. 

kamu memang gak mendua sih, secara kita gak pernah bersama juga. tapi, aku bener2 "gak habis pikir kurangku dimana? kamu tega melepaskan akuu" 

gatau lah akan gimana kelanjutan kisah ini. kamu masih jadi momok di hatiku. :(

* kalau kamu (yang lain) juga nemu dan baca blog ini, mungkin memang jodoh aku bukan kamu (yang pertama), tapi kamu (yang sekarang).

kalau aku suka bbm-in kamu duluan, suka mention2 gak penting, suka tiba2 ngajak ngobrol random, itu artinya aku tertarik sama kamu. tolong tangkap #kode -ku dan berusaha untuk aku. kalau tiba2 aku bales bbmnya lama, belom balas mention tapi udah ngetwit, itu artinya aku lagi mikir. mau ngobrolin apalagi ya sama kamu. karena dalam setiap pesan yg aku kirim, aku ingin selalu selipkan pesan "aku mau kamu ngeh aku ada". kalo kamu mau tahu, aku gak bales semua bbm yg masuk loh. aku bbm kamu duluan itu artinya #kode sekali..

* kalau kamu (yang lain lagi) ikut nemu dan baca blog ini juga, mungkin kamu jodohku. bukan kamu (yang pertama) atau kamu (yang kedua). dan kamu (ya kamu!) harus tau, bahwa kamu bisa jodoh sama aku adalah karena niat dan kesungguhan yg kamu punya.

kalau aku suka lama bales bbm dari kamu, itu artinya aku memang belum tertarik. atau mungkin juga aku takut, karena aku belum kenal siapa kamu. coba perkenalkan diri kamu ke aku pelan-pelan. jangan tiba-tiba langsung nawarin jemput pulang kantor, ngajak makan, ngajak jalan atau etc lah. aku tipikal wanita yg orientasi proses. semua bisa berakhir dimana saja. aku patah hati karena kamu (yang pertama), aku usaha untuk kamu (yang kedua) tapi kalau usaha kamu (ya kamu!) lebih. berkesan dan berhasil membuka celah hatiku, gak menutup kemungkinan aku mau kalau kamu jemput pulang kantor, kamu ajak makan bareng, kamu ajak jalan dll. karna gak ada yg instan di dunia ini sayang. kalau kamu mau dapet sesuatu, usaha. kalau kamu mau dapet yg lebih-dari-sesuatu, usaha yg lebih lagi juga.

pada akhirnya, siapapun kamu yg berhasil membuka pintu hatiku, itu artinya benar2 kamu orangnya. benar2 kamu ksatria-tampan-yang-tinggi-berkulit-putih-bertatap-tajam-dan-bermata-elang yg aku idam2kan selama ini. segera jemput aku pulang. sudah terlalu lama aku berjalan. terlalu lelah aku berkelana. dunia ini terlalu fana buatku. jemput aku sekarang. aku mau pulaang :'(

there always be a coming-home for every journey, isn't it?

hai kamu,

apa kabarmu disana?

bagaimana dunia kerja?

sudah lebih baikkah sekarang?

hai kamu,

bagaimana dengan cita?

bagaimana dengan cinta?

sudahkah memutuskan?

bagaimana tentang kamu,

bagaimana tentang aku,

bagaimana tentang kita dan

bagaimana tentang mereka?

bagaimana tentang sekarang dan masa depan?

hai kamu,

masih belum penatkah kamu berjalan?

masih belum yakinkah akan tujuan?

hai kamu,

walau tak diam, aku masih menunggu

tak tau sampai kapan aku menunggu

...................

bagaimanapun

selalu ada pulang untuk setiap perjalanan

pulanglah

dan temui aku di rumah