Hello October

This is just half of October but it feels like I've been full... 

May was my starting point. I informally told my boss about the plan. He's kinda shock. He even ask me to take some day off to clear my mind. But all I think for the whole time, the only way to clear my mind is to have it done.. 

in June, we took mandatory family portrait for every Eid. Since Ahmad got a super high fever in the morning, right before we're going to pray Eid Al-Fitr (and then confirmed as covid again in RSUD Duren Sawit at night), we didn't take any picture that we used to that day...  

demo, here's our family portrait in Eid Al-Adha 

we moved to our new home in July. My mother's sih. But she said that this is ours, so this is ours :) I started to move on from the scary things that happened to Ahmad before. I accompanied him to have therapy session again. I took him to mall again. I just want to make him happy :') 

but unlucky, he's not that strong yet.. In August, he got the seizure again because we're going to his therapy by grab car. And yes he's not that strong yet.. That day, after we got home, he became silent. He ate but after that he throws it up. At night, he throws up again.. And a second later, he got the attack. Hiiikkkss... My heart just torn into pieces again.... 

September supposed to be our happy month because this is Ahmad's month! But only 3 days before his eight, he got the attack again. At this point, I feels like numb. I didn't know how to react. Yes I did help him to put diazepam when the seizure come, but after that I just freeze. I couldn't think clearly, I couldn't talk and even I couldn't cry like I used to. I just kept on looking at him, accompanying him, be beside him, holding his hands while contacting any doctor. 

but Allah is the Almighty. He still gave His permission for me to take Ahmad's picture when he was 8 like I usually did.. Allahu Akbar. 

and the update by half of this October is the process in my office about the plan is done. So I could take it up and out to the different level. Tomorrow supposed to be our third meet. And about Ahmad is still on process too, we went to Prof Irawan last month. He changed Ahmad's medicine to Levetiracetam. And I think I will follow him for Ahmad's sake... 

Still, there will be another two months left for this year.  May they become the sunshine after the rain. For me, for Ahmad, for my mother, for my father and for everyone who had serious problems in their lyfe. Aamiin yra...